Self Esteem is essential to our feeling of well-being. It comes from our childhood. If we were lucky enough to have experienced unconditional love and acceptance as a child, then we will have a strong sense of personal worth as an adult. But if we were constantly criticised and made to feel inadequate, then we will probably have very low self-esteem and lack security in our adult lives. In this case, when something bad happens – if we are deeply hurt through a relationship breakdown, for example, - we may feel as though something deep within us has been destroyed. We may become depressed, or feel disconnected from life around us and maybe, even from ourselves. We try to continue as before, but everything is such hard work. I believe that these feelings result not so much from the event, but from our lack of self esteem.

So what can we do to build up our self-esteem and sense of personal worth? Well, we can start by looking at our feelings. What exactly are they? Then, we can focus on the thoughts that give rise to these feelings. Do they fit? Are they relevant to who we are today? Or do they belong to a childhood peopled by angry disapproving adults? As we gain understanding of our thought processes, we can turn our attention to our coping strategies. Are they just misguided attempts at self-healing? If they are, we can learn to diminish them and consider solutions, which are more appropriate and, therefore, will be more effective. With insight and practice, we will be able to change our pattern of negative thinking, which gives rise to irrational fears and continues to damage our self-esteem. When we value ourselves as individuals, we will truly live in the present and face the future with renewed confidence and energy.

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